


Gains and Losses

by torchwood221b



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Vamplock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 09:34:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3169997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torchwood221b/pseuds/torchwood221b
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Kriskenshin wanted vamplock. This is probably the most passive vamplock in the history of vamplock but I’m really pleased with how it turned out. (Additional author’s note at the end so I don’t give anything away.)</p><p>John's POV</p>
    </blockquote>





	Gains and Losses

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KrisKenshin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisKenshin/gifts).



> Kriskenshin wanted vamplock. This is probably the most passive vamplock in the history of vamplock but I’m really pleased with how it turned out. (Additional author’s note at the end so I don’t give anything away.)
> 
> John's POV

~~Just over three years ago I asked Sherlock for a miracle and today I got it.~~

Mary died today.

Sherlock offered to save her, to turn her into what he is but she refused him. I can’t blame her for that considering we’d known she only had a few months left. She’d made peace with the fact that she was dying and she didn’t want a last minute reprieve not even one which meant she could live forever.

When Sherlock makes me a similar offer I’m not sure I will be as brave as she was at the end. I say “when” because I know Sherlock well enough to know that eventually he will ask me to become like him, become vampire.

Despite the fact that I’ve almost died once before and should be at peace with it the thought of being immortal, of walking the world at Sherlock’s side for all eternity has it’s appeal.

I miss his blue eyes, but the dark auburn color they are now has it’s appeal. He’s watching me as I write this by hand, a habit Mary got me into after we met, words come to me considerably faster this way (probably because I don’t have to find their corresponding letters on a keyboard).

Losing Sherlock would have been unbearable if it hadn’t been for Mary’s appearance in my life. There was a time I suspected she was too good to be true, I was so suspicious I reached out to both Greg and Mycroft to do a background check on her.

I have so many questions;

\- How did he survive the fall?  
\- When did he become what he is now?  
\- Who made him that way?  
\- Did it hurt?  
\- Can all vampires go outside during the day?  
\- Does he drink blood? How much? And where does he get it?  
\- How many of the myths are true?  
\- Why did it take him so long to come back?  
\- Did he miss me as much as I missed him?  
\- Does anyone else know he’s alive?  
\- As long as I’m human is he going to keep looking at me like I’m food?

He’s so still, I’m used to his silence but the lack of motion is something new. The first time we met he told me there were times when he wouldn’t talk for days on end but he used to generate this white noise that was uniquely him, I miss it. I find myself constantly looking to his chair to reassure myself that he’s really here.

I should be grieving for Mary, not that she’d want me to, but I loved her. I loved her as much if not more than I love him but her loss hasn’t crippled me like his did. Maybe because I knew she was dying, maybe it’s because I had him back before she passed, maybe her death just hasn’t hit me yet. Whatever the reason I find that I’m at peace with Mary’s death and Sherlock’s resurrection as I write this.

He’s found my journals, I didn’t even hear him get up and it looks like he’s halfway done with reading them. There’s two and a half years of my life in those journals, my two and a half years with Mary. Mary who saw a depressed and lonely man sitting alone in Speedy’s and decided to talk at me until I acknowledged her presence.

He would have liked Mary. Like probably isn’t the right word, he wouldn’t have found her boring. She was a teacher and traveled the world teaching English to children developing countries. She always had the most amazing stories - hiking in the amazon rainforest, learning to surf in the South Pacific, going on safaris in Africa - she lived the life most people only dream of and I’m glad to have been a part of it even if only for a short time.

He’s studying me again, trying to deduce every unfamiliar line and wrinkle on my face, every new grey hair since we last saw each other. I’m trying to study him too but he’s much more adept at reading me than I ever was at reading him.

One thing that’s obvious even to me is that he’s decidedly more dangerous than he was before and I’m not sure it has anything to do with his new found vampiric nature. Sherlock’s savagery has always been hidden just under the surface but now he seems to wear it as armor. Whatever he went through these past three years has hardened him against the world more so than anything his primary school bullies ever did.

I wonder if he sleeps more or less than he used to. I wonder if he sleeps at all anymore. He’s always been hyper aware but I get the sense that awareness has been heightened. I wonder if he can tell what I’ve been writing just from the movements of my pen on the page.

"I can," he says before going quiet again.

"Well?" I ask waiting for the answers to my list of questions.

"No one turned me. When someone in my family dies we come back like this, as vampires for lack of a better term. It’s been this way for generations, there are theories but to this day we don’t know how or why it happens. Of course dying hurts, I would advise against it, especially my method of death. As for going out during the day my family have always had that ability but I cannot attest to the abilities of other ‘vampires’ as I don’t know of any. I have not been looking at you like food as blood is not necessary for my survival, I am perfectly able to consume normal foods though many members develop an affinity for fine wines. As far as my family is concerned none of the myths are true, though my great great grandfather was allergic to garlic as a human and remained so in his second life. It took me this long to return because I needed to ensure you were safe from Moriarty’s web, taking out less than all of it’s members would have meant your certain death as well as the deaths of Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade. Obviously as Mycroft is aware of the family trait that enabled me to survive my suicide he would have known I was alive without my telling him." Sherlock rattles off, talking a mile a minute like always.

"You missed one," I reply. The most important one; my thoughts supply for me.

"Of course I missed you. These past three years have been hell for me without you. I won’t ask if you want me to turn you but know it’s a standing offer should you decide on your own it’s something you want. The process is fairly simple, I merely infuse you with blood coded with my family’s vampire DNA. You will then remain human until your death at which point you will revive as vampire. I would however recommend holding onto your youth. Oh and you’re right, I think I would have liked Mary."

"She didn’t see much of a point to learning about the solar system either, you had that in common," I chuckle. I don’t even realize I’m crying until Sherlock is at my side pressing a tissue into my hand.

I wish I were crying about Mary.

**Author's Note:**

> The concept of Sherlock’s vampiric nature and his process for turning John are borrowed from an episode of the tv series Sanctuary as it seemed to fit the kind of vamplock story I was trying to tell.


End file.
